Are You Absently Present or Present With a Purpose?

Sometimes the things we don't want to hear are the things we need to hear the most. Join me to chat about being purposeful with our time. What are you wasting your time focusing on and how can you be MORE present, right now.

In today's episode, I'm sharing my thought process and headspace about presence in life and your business after being totally inspired by a conversation between Kacia + Trent. 

As mentioned on today's episode...

• Trent Sheltons Straight Up Podcast
• Kacia Fitzgerald's EmpowerHER Podcast
• Lori Harder's Earn Your Happy Podcast
• Brooklyn Ragsdale's Redefine You Podcast

Until next time babe, keep pushing, keep dreaming, and let's keep on redefining fabulous.
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Transcript

Jessi Cabanin: 0:04

Hey girl, Hey, are you ready for some real talk? If you are a female entrepreneur who has ever felt like a total failure, or maybe even a frequent flyer of imposter syndrome, this podcast is for you. I'm your host, Jessi, a millennial business owner, boy mom and creative genius helping women bring their business dreams to life. After 10 years of building numerous creative brands from the ground up, I'm ready to get real about what actually goes on behind the scenes of building your very own empire failure opened up brand new mindset for me. And I really want that for you too, because honestly, I am just so over society's definition of what it means to live a successful life. So together, we are going to create and navigate a version of success that works for you. Together, we can redefine fabulous. Hey, babe, happy Friday. You know, sometimes in life, we come across things that just kind of sweep us off our feet, right? And today's episode is no different. Okay, I was literally just doing my daily thing, listening to a podcast, and I just sort of had this moment of like, holy shit that moved me I need to get on the mic and talk about it. So today's episode is all about presence and self growth and being present with a purpose. So without further ado, let's just go ahead and dive in. Okay, so one of my favorite podcasters so far, Kacia Fitzgerald has just announced or is like literally getting ready to launch tickets to her first in person event. I'm like, sitting here like biting my nails, like Ready, ready, ready for this event? Because I really want to go, I'm not positive I can go. I really want to go. And I really want to see the details. And so anyway, Kacia is one of my absolute favorite podcasters she's definitely someone who got me into podcasting. I actually took a course with her to build this podcast. And so, you know, I love following not only her but obviously the people who she interviews and she just announced yesterday that her last keynote speaker for this event that she's putting on is Trent Shelton, and she you know, like the whole week, she really sort of like, really tried to like ramp up the, the excitement like for who the lineup of speakers was and everything. And Trent was the last one that she announced. And you know, in that time when she was, you know, building this momentum. I was obviously I was thinking like, gosh, who couldn't be and when she announced that it was Trent Shelton, I embarrassingly have no idea who he was at all like no idea. I was like, Okay, who is this guy? So Lori harder. And Chris Harder are also keynote speakers at this event. And I also listened to their podcast, it's called earn your happy. If you have not checked out their podcasts, I totally recommend it. They are an awesome, awesome duo. Anyway so I was curious. I was like, okay, she said in the in the comments that he had been on the show before it. So I was like, Okay, I immediately go on google search it you know, Kacia is my vibe. So I feel like the people she brings on the show are also my vibe. So I was like, Okay, I gotta figure this out. So I googled it found an episode and like, you guys, holy shit. I was blown away by this guy, blown away by their conversation. And honestly, the episode that I found of their conversation was from years ago. Okay, so Kacia has come a really long way since then, her this episode was great, don't get me wrong, but her jingle in the beginning changed. And just her overall. podcast has changed since then. It's evolved. I shouldn't say it's changed. It's evolved, right. And so it was a really old episode. And I thought to myself, gosh, like, this is an amazing and powerful conversation. So then what I did is I searched for his podcast, and started listening to some of the episodes and just like holy shit, you guys like I am in a totally different headspace right now. And I just it was one of those moments where I was like, I gotta hop on the mic. This is on my heart right now. And I just really need to talk about it. So the episode that I was just listening to are one of them, really, because I was listening to multiple, the one episode that was really, really powerful to me and really hit home with me right now I think will hit home with you. Because it is something so widely, you know, just happening right now. So he is talking about presence, right? And he's talking about what it's like to be present and he's asking himself on a daily basis, am I being present? And you know, he says that he starts to ask himself something seeing every day or an every moment? How can I be more present in this moment, right? Because as parents, our kids are never going to be this age again, right. And I will say that I am very guilty of taking that for granted. And I want to reach a point where I'm not taking it for granted anymore, right. And so it comes down to a lot of things. But you know, when I was a kid, there was not cell phones, there was not tablets, there was, you know, we literally had like, tic tac toe on a random ass sheet of paper, right. And like a golf pencil, probably because dad brought it home from the golf course, you know, like, things were just so so very different. And, you know, he, he's talking about how he is going to his daughter's gymnastics and how he wants to ask himself every time How can I be more present, and he forces himself to put his phone away and be 100% present in the moment, right. And so it got me thinking about, you know, my son is four, and he is currently in soccer. And it is the most adorable thing ever, but it's also hilarious and frustrating to watch, because he just does not give a shit. You know, he's four, he's, you know, they're there. They do some drills. And I think the kids like the drills a little bit more. But when they start to put the kids like on field with pennies, and they're sort of playing a mock game, these four year olds aren't playing a game, they are literally just aimlessly chasing a ball to kick it. Right? Well, then there's Jackson and his other friend on this team, and who's a friend of our family. And the two of them are just like total bros on the field, right? So they're literally just kind of like, walking around. Like, they literally give two shits about it, you guys. It's hilarious, right? So last week, I was at his, I wouldn't call it game called Camp, whatever I was at his camp. And our other little friend, his grandfather was there with him that day, his parents weren't there. His sister wasn't there that day, his grandfather brought him. And it was just really interesting to look around, and to see who was sitting there on the field with their kids. And, interestingly enough, well, not really interesting. It's really not that shocking. I don't know why I like was shocked in the moment. But the only people who were actually paying attention to the kids camps, were the grandparents. Okay. So I think that grandparents are obviously from a different generation, and they have a much different appreciation for presence, and for being there wholeheartedly. Also, because they are like, anti technology, and they don't really know how to use phones and tablets that well, but, you know, I kind of had this moment of jealousy, because I was kind of like, you know, I really wish that it was easier for me to put my phone away and to be present. And, you know, it really kind of hit home with me that there really is this device addiction in our generation, and I'm terrified for what that's going to bring to my son and his generation, because it's only going to get worse, right? So I'm in this, you know, period now where I am trying to really pay attention, and to really make sure that I am doing a better job of putting my phone down and being present, and showing him how to be present, right? Because there are times where I'm like, you know, he's watching a show before bed and I'm on my phone, like trying to make sure that, you know, I answered everybody's emails that I needed to that day that you know, like anything that was urgent. And, you know, a lot of days doesn't faze him. Some days. He's like, Mom, can you just get off your phone and watch like, Mom, you have to rewind now because you miss this spot. And, you know, in the moments, I'm always like, Oh, it's fine. I don't care, you know, and then now, you know, listening to trends, podcast, and, you know, paying attention to this camp that my son was at, you know, it just, I have this whole new awareness maybe I'll call it of presence. And you know, it's it kind of comes down to like, what do you want your kid to do? Do you want your kid to be on their phone and tablet all day? No, of course not as parents we don't want that. Well, guess what, guys? One of the reasons why they are on it so much and why they are so dependent on it is because of us like I'm sorry, guys, but that is the freakin truth. Okay, these kids are sponges and like they will do what they see, you know, monkey see monkey do, right. And so I want to encourage each of you to also just kind of take a step back today and say, you know, how present was I yesterday, and how can I be a little bit more present today? I'm not saying that you need to wake up today and say like, I'm leaving my phone on the charger and I'm not going to look at it all day. Hey, that's just not that's like saying you're gonna, you're gonna not eat for a week, just to lose weight. And it's not a sustainable, right that like we are in a place, especially as business owners, right? Because more than likely you are like me, you are hustling for a dream. And, you know, as business owners, yes, we also have to be present in our business, right? So like, I think I just I want to encourage you to really take a moment to think about how present you are in your personal life, and how present you are in your business. And I want you to think about balancing those scales. Because as a business, yes, we need to be present. But if you're not present in your personal life, and you're not absorbing the things that are going on around you, how can you actually be present in your business? How can you actually be contributing to others in your business, when you are not contributing to yourself, you know, this all goes back to, you know, making sure that you are taking care of yourself, as well as your clients. And you guys, I will be the first to admit, I am frickin guilty of this, I am that person who will always, always always always tried to make sure that all of my clients are taken care of before I take care of myself. And guess what, that's something I'm working on. Okay, I'm gonna be transparent about that. I'm very bad about it. And I am aware of that. But that's the point you guys, I became aware of it. Okay, that's the first step, being aware of something like a habit or you know, something that you're doing in your life that isn't necessarily fully serving you. Okay, so me being more present for my clients than I am for my own life, my own family, that's not serving me in the long run, right? Like, I think you can agree with me that it's easy to be present in work, because we know we have to do it. But it's hard to be present in our family functions, or our kids games, or whatever it is, why is it so freaking hard? Right? I want to know, like, why is it so freaking hard? Because we are addicted to our devices, I 1,000% am guilty of this, the first thing I do in the morning, is pick up my phone and open my email, you guys it is the most toxic habit like Do not be me, do not be me, show me that it can be done that you can like get up and now look at your emails, because I have a very, very hard time with it. But after listening to this podcast this morning, and after, you know really kind of forcing myself to take a moment to you know, he says On a scale of one to 10 How present were you yesterday. And I was kind of like, shit, you know, I don't even know what I ate for breakfast this morning. But like, I was probably not very present yesterday. The fact that I automate, to assuming that I wasn't very present yesterday, is a red flag. Okay, so, you know, I am hoping to kind of implement this into my daily life. And, you know, continue to ask myself, How can I be more present right now? Okay. And this, this, this goes both ways, right? So, you know, you're trying to run your business, and you know, your kids were home, you know, my son's home with me one day a week when he's not in school. And, you know, there's times where my business has something has to happen in my business, there are just times that that's gonna happen, right? And, you know, it's, it's becomes really hard to be present in your business, when you have family distractions going on you guys. It works both ways. But my point is, like, start to take Oh, like an extra second, to realize where you need to be present in that moment, and decide to be more present where you need it in that moment, okay. Because when it comes down to it, I want to be able to refocus on the things that matter. Okay. And I want to refocus on the things that matter in the long run. Because I'm not like, I'm not worried about where I'm at right now. I'm worried about where I want to go. And maybe maybe that maybe that's part of my problem. But, you know, I want to think more now about what impact I'm going to make on who I'm working with, you know, I want to make sure that my legacy, what I'm leaving behind isn't just that I was a workaholic, or that I spent a lot of time, you know, on my phone doing work. I don't want that to be my legacy. I don't want that to be what Jackson remembers of his childhood. You know, I want him to remember that I was a hard worker, don't get me wrong. I want him to remember and to know that I was someone who was passionate enough to, you know, fight the obstacles and push through walls and chase my dream. I want him to know that, but I also want him to know more and remember more about the impact that I made on people around me my community, my client It's my family, my friends, I want him to remember the legacy of the impact that I made. You know, I look back. And I think to myself, you know, I spent 10 years in the wedding industry do not get me wrong. When I was in the wedding industry for the 90% of my career in the wedding industry. I was 110% in I was all in on it, right? It was something I was good at. It was something I was successful, I was making a lot of money doing it. But Hindsight is 2020. And I was not happy. I was not fulfilled, I was not making an impact. Okay, so now, you know, I look back and I think I don't really have anything to show for I was, I was a wedding photographer and a stationery designer for 10 years, and what do I have to show for it now? What impact did I make on anyone during that time? Maybe some? I don't know, you know, I am, I'm not going to pull apart and say I made zero impacts at all. But, you know, what impact did I make, that I can carry with me? I didn't like in my head. I didn't. Fast forward to today. And you know, I am still doing a lot of the same things. I'm still a photographer, I'm still a designer. But I've changed my purpose, I've evolved my purpose. I want to take other women who have big dreams and chase them with them. I want to see other people succeed. I want to instill greatness in other people, I want to help other people find what they're meant for. And I want to help them get there. I want to be that person that allowed someone else to chase their dream, in order to impact their family, their kids their legacy. I don't want to have everybody in a job that they hate for a long time, because it was money. Okay, you choose to be in a job that you don't love. You choose that now don't get me wrong, jobs you don't like can still serve a purpose. Okay, so maybe you can relate to this right now, maybe maybe you have a job right now that you absolutely hate. But guess what, it pays the bills, it takes care of yourself, it puts food on the table, I get that wholeheartedly, I get that. But that does not mean that you're there forever. Okay, choosing to stay there forever, is a choice. You can choose to apply for another job, you can choose to add a side hustle, you But you have to make the choice, you have to make the choice to want a better future to want to make a legacy no one can make can choose to chase the dream you've had on your heart, your you want that you have to want that yourself. People like me, whole life, maybe a day, maybe week, you can choose to chase we're here to help you get there. But I can't make you want that dream. it.I cannot make those decisions for you. You have to make those yourself. Okay, so I want you to take a moment right now, if you're in the car, if you're on a walk, if you're at the grocery store, I want you to take a moment to think about what it means for you to be present and what future you want. Okay, if you don't have goals, if you don't have a future in mind, I strongly encourage you to, you know, listen to some other help podcasts and books and whatnot. And really start to think about that. Because once you can develop a dream, you can develop a plan, okay? It's not going to be easy. You're not going to get there overnight, you guys, I would be just a big ol liar. If I told you like, oh, yeah, all you have to do is have a dream. And then you can go get it. It doesn't work like that. It's not that easy. It's a lot of work. It takes a lot of time and a lot of sacrifice. But it can be done. I am proof that it can be done. And I am proof that it can be done multiple times. And I'm not saying that you have to create a dream. That is like the only dream you can ever have. You can have more than one dream you can chase more than one goal. But you have to choose. You have to take that step and you have to choose and I truly truly, truly now believe that in order for me to be more present in my business life, I need to be more present in my personal life. I need a better separation of church and state I need to take that extra time and an extra ounce of effort to make sure that I'm not on my phone all the time that I'm not you guys like it is it is crazy. It is this constant feeling of like someone has to need me right now. One of my clients has to need me right now. There has to be a fire that I have to put up. It is this toxic, toxic brain fog that I feel so stuck in Most days of the week, I really do. And I've been battling it for a long time now. And I'm really just now this year becoming so much more aware of the bad habits that I have in both my personal and my business life like it. Bad habits are all the way across the board, you guys. But I think recognizing and starting to accept it is a huge, huge step. And you can't take steps until you do those two things. You have to be able to admit, when you're wrong, you have to be able to admit that some of the things that you do, and some of the people you surround yourself with, doesn't serve you anymore. Maybe it did before. It might not serve you now, and it may definitely not serve you in the future. So I want you to take a moment and think about how present you are in your business. How present? Are you in your personal life? And can you separate your presence? What are you spending your focus on? And more importantly, what are you wasting your focus on? What are you wasting so much time worrying about that you can't control? So one other thing that Trent talks about, with Kacia actually, is your pain, becoming your purpose, turning your pain into your power? What message are you putting out there into the world? Are you serving just yourself? Or are you serving other people? Okay, one of the main reasons I started this podcast was because I know that other women out there struggle. I know they have dreams. I know they want to reach them, but I know they struggle. And I know that they're afraid to ask for help. And that's why I want to share my story and my experiences and my tips. You guys, I am no therapist, I will never say that. And actually funny story about that. I was listening to another girl's podcast who I met in my podcast course. I will leave her show in the show notes as well, because I think that she's a super powerful speaker. Her name was Brooklyn. And I'm not gonna go too in depth about Brooklyn, because she's actually going to be a guest on this podcast, which you guys I am so excited about. So look out for that. So funny enough, her podcast is actually called redefine you. So obviously, we're like instant best friends that we have the same mindset. And when I reached out to her about coming on my show, she was like, Girl, we are basically the same person. So if you loved the episode with Elaine, you're also going to love the episode with Brooklyn. But anyway, in her episode, she mentioned that somebody reached out to her and basically said, like, do you ever get like bad feedback, because you're giving advice, but you're not a therapist? And she was like, I never even thought of that. Okay, you guys, I never even thought about that. I am not a therapist, I am only here to share my story and the tips that work for me. I'm not telling you that any of my tips and tricks are are like the answer. Okay, they're just ideas to get you started. Because sometimes starting is the hardest part, right? Like starting and taking that first step is very often the hardest part. So I'm just here to share my story, and where I come from hoping that maybe you can relate and take anything that I say, to help you take the first step. Because you guys, the first step is the hardest one. But as soon as you can recognize the pain that you're in and turn it into the most powerful story experience, you can help other people because I guarantee you, someone out there is going through something that you already went through. And if you think about it, what resource did you have when you're going through it? I sure as hell didn't have this assurance how I was anti podcast I was I'm anti anything audio. And that is a story for another day. But one day I decided to open my mind to open my heart to open my soul to something new. Because something's gotta give, right? You've got to be able to try something new to gain experience, even when it's uncomfortable, because when it's uncomfortable is when you grow. And growth is why I'm here guys. I'm here to help you grow as a person, as a business owner, as a mom, I want you to grow, I want you to succeed. I don't want you to look at what everybody else is doing and compare yourself to what everybody else is doing. Because no comparison of any two people is Apples to Apples ever, ever, ever. Okay, rewind that. And listen again. There is no apples to apples comparison. Every single one of us is in a different season of life of business. Our circumstances are different. It doesn't matter. Stop worrying about what everybody else is doing and take some time to really, really read Really look deeper inside of yourself and find what you want. Because as soon as you figure out what you want, it's go time girl. All right, babe, I hope you really enjoyed today's conversation. I'm super curious to know what your biggest takeaway was from today. So go ahead and share this episode on social media. Make sure you tag me @thiswaytofabulous and let me know what you connected with. What did you learn from the episode and what action item are you going to take today? Until next time, guys, keep pushing, keep dreaming. And let's keep on redefining fabulous jetsam guys