Redefining Fabulous

Permission to Say No, Let Go and Move the Hell On

June 02, 2023 Season 1 Episode 26
Redefining Fabulous
Permission to Say No, Let Go and Move the Hell On
Show Notes Transcript

Are you subconsciously waiting for permission to make a radical change in your life or business? This episode is your permission.

We get so caught up in what we’re known for, we feel like we have to stay. At any time you can change your mind. YOU are the one stopping. WE are in charge of our own evolution. It's time to act like it.

A͟l͟s͟o͟ m͟e͟n͟t͟i͟o͟n͟e͟d͟ o͟n͟ t͟h͟i͟s͟ e͟p͟i͟s͟o͟d͟e͟:

➡️ Limited Edition PRIDE Neon Notebooks
➡️ New services launching July 1st 

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𝙐𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙡 𝙣𝙚𝙭𝙩 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙚, 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙥𝙪𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙡𝙚𝙩'𝙨 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙤𝙣 𝙧𝙚𝙙𝙚𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙖𝙗𝙪𝙡𝙤𝙪𝙨.


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Jessi Cabanin:

Hey girl, hey, are you ready for some real talk? If you are a female entrepreneur who has ever felt like a total failure, or maybe even a frequent flyer of imposter syndrome, this podcast is for you. I'm your host, Jesse, a millennial business owner, boy mom and creative genius helping women bring their business dreams to life. After 10 years of building numerous creative brands from the ground up, I'm ready to get real about what actually goes on behind the scenes of building your very own empire feel you're opening up brand new mindset for me. And I really want that for you too, because honestly, I am just so over society's definition of what it means to live a successful life. So together, we are going to create and navigate a version of success that works for you. Together, we can redefine fabulous. Hello, hello. Welcome to another episode of redefining fabulous, I am super excited for you to be here today because it is a really juicy topic. Okay, this is something that has been weighing on me a lot lately. And I'm also noticing that it's weighing on a lot of you guys as well. So I think it's really important that we kind of open the conversation to talk about it because it's not going to just go away, right. But before we dive into that, how about just a couple of updates, right, so it is summertime like holy summertime in Chicago right now it is like freaking 90 degrees outside today. I am like dying. And so I will be inside most of the time. But so I'm really excited about summer, I really do love summer minus like when I'm sweating my balls off and the heat, but I really just like to see a lot of the color. Even though the grass is like not its brightest shade of green, I was actually driving home from taking Jackson to school today. And I said to myself, like God my eyes like everything is so not vibrant, like everything is so pastel. And the reality of that was that the grass and desperately needs water like it has not rained in so long here. And so things are just, you know, kind of starting to dry out. And I won't go really deep into this. But it really kind of made me think about like us as humans and you know our lives and our businesses and how important it is to make sure that we are like maintaining and nourishing what we're doing to be able to keep going right, so I won't go into that it was just kind of like a random thought I had while I was driving this morning. But I'm really excited for summer for one other reason. So I last year, maybe two years ago, actually, we met this family that was getting ready to move to Tennessee. And they were getting rid of like a bunch of their stuff, right, they had some outdoor furniture that they were getting rid of. And we got some like killer deals on some stuff for the house. So what I've done now is I we are like in the process of rehabbing it, because it needs a little bit of work to like sand it and paint it and just kind of get it back to looking really nice. But for right now it is like my little fixer upper oasis. And we've got a bunch of plants over there, we've got a big umbrella. And we've got all these cushions for these chairs and couch or loveseat. And so what I love to do right now that it's warm enough is to go outside first thing in the morning, and that's my little oasis to, you know, wake up, take my coffee out there, take my daily and weekly planner out there. And also just a notebook to kind of just jot things down and get them out of my head. Because I find that it clears up my brain a little bit for the day ahead. And it allows me to, like laser focus a little bit better in spurts on the things that I actually need to take care of it. I mean, realistically, it kind of. It's kind of like my own medication for my squirrel brain. Because if I don't kind of dump these things out, all day long, while I'm at my desk trying to get something done, I have all these squirrely thoughts. And I'm thinking about like literally everything from A to Z. And so this is something that I have found to really help me just kind of like clear up my brain to be productive during the day. So I'm really excited about that. Minus the fact that like days like today when it is 90 degrees out this morning, it was already like 80 degrees by the time I was out there. So apparently I need to get out there a little bit earlier. But that is something that I just it really, really lights me up this time of year. Also exciting is that Jackson is headed to kindergarten in the fall. So I am kind of soaking up this like last couple months of him being in daycare full time. And so I'm kind of like soaking it up, but I'm also trying to realistically prepare myself for the changes that will come when he goes there because the time of day These are different. And yeah, just like all of the fun new things, right. And so every mom I'm sure is, you know, worried about how their kid is going to transition into a new school. Tiny bit of backstory, he had a like, adorable best friend and his daycare. And that best friend is actually moving to Florida. And he is legitimately devastated. And as a parent, I'm just having a really hard time with like, I don't know, like consoling him and helping him get through it. I know that he needs to kind of find his own way through it. But it's just really gut wrenching right now. So it's really exciting that he's going to kindergarten in the fall. But I'm also just a little bit like, nervous, I guess, about how he's going to transition into it. So we are, you know, taking this summer to keep him in daycare full time to kind of prepare him for being in school five days a week, because we are lucky enough that our district is full time kindergarten, which I know that like a lot of other parents don't have that luxury. Apparently, there's a lot of districts that only have half day or part day or only a couple of days a week. So I'm very, very grateful for that. Next on the list. It is pride month. Okay, so we actually were planning to launch this product in q3 in July. And somewhere along the way, I decided that this was actually something that I'm going to do early I'm going to do this on Pride Month. And what I did is basically redesigned one of our one of our products, spoiler alert, it's a notebook. It's a neon freaking notebook. Okay, it is like a badass. And what we did is we created a rainbow version of this notebook. It is so adorable. The pages are blank. Okay, so there are nine pages of each color. So there's a hot pink hot orange, neon yellow, neon green, neon blue, neon purple, and the cover of it is actually letterpressed and it is a an on Bray printing process. And it's like pink and purple. And so it's just kind of like this really pretty rainbow thing. And in in cursive in this really fancy like awesome fun cursive. It says shit, I will forget. And I don't know if that hits home for you. But like, I literally am obsessed with this notebook. We actually created this notebook back when we had our stationery company and I was cleaning up some things in the garage and actually found the letterpress covers and I was like, oh maybe we are bringing these back to life. So that is exciting. I will link those in the show notes for you. They are very limited edition there is only a certain number of them. We no longer letterpress print in house. So once these are gone, they are gone. They will not be restocked. Okay, so check those out. I will link those in the notes for you. And the last major update which you guys are going to be hearing a lot more about is we have a shitload of things launching in q3. Okay, so we have been going crazy behind the scenes preparing for this. And yes, I'm saying we okay, I know that I've mentioned here and there, we've been dropping, you know little tidbits. But yes, we have a team now. And it is the most terrifying and exciting time in my life. And I'm not gonna go back real deep into the kind of like total backstory of this. But I had a million dollar brand at one point. And I had employees I had, what a lot of people think is this like successful destination that they're trying to reach, I had that I reached that. And then it all went away, it all went away so much quicker than it took for us to get there. And so going into this season, I've had a lot of resistance in in building this team, because I have a little bit of PTSD from the last time around. And one thing that has really helped me kind of get through this is to realize that the circumstances were very different. And so back then, when that company went underwater, I was also a new mom, I was dealing with postpartum depression, I was going through a divorce. A lot of things were going on at that time. And the circumstances were just very, very different. And realistically, had I not gone through the things that I did at that point in time. I would not be the person that I am right now. Building what I'm building right now. Okay, so that's kind of like a perfect segue into today's episode actually, because about a year ago, I was really kind of feeling a push to change things up a little bit. And to kind of clarify my vision a little bit, and I wouldn't say that I You really fully understood what this poll was. But once Brianna arrived, she is the unicorn, the father sky, you guys hear me say this? In a lot of different social media platforms, you guys will get to know Brianna, more in the coming months. But long story short, Brianna found me for a client of hers at the time, she was looking for a branding photographer for one of her clients. And she found me on Google. And so not only did she, you know, refer me to her client, but she was also like, Yo, I want a piece of this. So she also reached out, we ended up doing a branding shoot for her as well. And the more we talked, we just really there was just like this magnetic force that I literally come out put into words. And that was like the beautiful beginning of what is growing right now. So spoiler alert, yes, there is a team coming in q3. In technicality, they're already here. They're already doing amazing things. But we are launching a boatload of services in q3. So July 1, that is about a month from now, July 1, get ready for a bunch of announcements, because we have some super exciting things coming down the pipeline. But what I want to talk about today is, you know, a lot of people have been asking me this as they're seeing these sneak peeks. And they're asking, you know, how did you get to this point of exponential growth? Like, what was your secret? Everybody wants to know a secret? I talk about this all the time, everybody, no one wants to know a secret, you guys there is no fucking secret, okay? If anything, the secret is try and try again, throw darts, see what sticks, right? You have to be willing to like put yourself out there and try things in order to, you know, weed out what's not for you. And I tell people this all the time, it's easier for you to figure out what's not for you, or what you don't like than it is for you to figure out what you do like because as humans, we're just like, Oh, I love that. Oh, I love that. Oh, I love that. Oh, I love that. Hello, insert impostor syndrome here. Okay, that is one thing that brings imposter syndrome on so hot and heavy, because we are constantly like, Oh, I love what everybody else is doing. Okay? So if anything, I've chosen to really kind of like, reverse that mindset a little bit and talk more about what I'm not liking what I don't think is a service to my potential clients. And by doing that, I'm really starting to open up the doors of like, how I can actually help people solve their problems. Okay. So the biggest thing that, you know, I do want to touch on is that I think as humans and as women, we have this like subconscious feeling that we really want permission, or we really want someone to validate our decision, or to tell us like either what to do, or like, tell us that we're doing the right thing. Right. And maybe you feel this way, maybe you don't. But I don't think that I knew in the moment that I had felt this way. I think that Hindsight is 2020. And it's a lot easier now to kind of like think back and pinpoint some of those feelings. But after the previous like a mega failure, right, and very afraid to move forward. Very afraid. Okay. But as I say, you know, fear is where the magic happens. Fear is where change and growth happens. But the bigger thing here, I think, is that I was looking for somebody to give me permission to move on, to change things up to, you know, do whatever that thing is next. And the thing is, is you don't need permission. And I think I knew that I didn't need permission, but like, subconsciously, I still wanted permission. Okay, so I understood the difference between the need and the want, or I do now. But I think it's really important to talk about the fact that we don't actually need permission to move on. Okay, sometimes I know, we really just kind of like need a voice or a sign to remind us that it's okay to move on. Okay, so if anything, I want to be that sign or that voice for you today. Okay, it is okay, to walk away from things that are no longer serving you. Okay, I'm gonna say it again. Because I really want you to hear it and I really want you to like manifest it. Okay. It is okay to walk away from the things that are no longer serving you. Okay, so if you're someone that maybe maybe you're feeling stuck right now, right, like maybe you're feeling stuck in who you are right now, maybe what who you are right now or what you're doing right now is no longer serving you. It's no longer moving you towards the goal, right? A lot of times I think that we're stuck in who we are now. And we lose the ability to not be able to be open to who we can become. Okay. And I can speak from experience here that, like, I was very worried, again, hindsight 2020 I don't think that in the moment, I would have admitted these things or really even, like, realize that these things were true. But I realized now that I was very, very worried about what others thought about what I was going to do what I was going to change, right. I was known for so long for being a wedding industry mogul, basically. Okay, I ran a wedding industry empire, I was known for that. And still to this day, I get people who reach out and they're like, oh, so and so's getting married. I'm like, Nope. You say married, you say wedding, I'm out. Okay, I'm just, I'm done in the wedding industry, okay. And I think the hardest pill to swallow was realizing that the change I needed to make the radical change that needed to happen, the first thing that needed to happen was I needed to stop worrying about what everybody thought about me switching industries about me changing it up about me chasing a new dream. Okay, the cool thing about dreams is that we can change them, we can, like, we can test them, maybe they're not for us, we can leave it behind, we can walk away, we can let it go. And we can move the fuck on to the next thing. Okay, there is nothing wrong with walking away, letting go and moving on. Okay, but when you make that decision, I want you to make that decision so strongly for yourself, and not for anybody else. Okay, so I also think that like, there's something to be said about alignment here, right. And so I think that it's important to recognize that alignment is something that takes a more constant effort and awareness, it is not a one and done type of thing. Because realistically, alignment changes in every season of your life and every season of your business. Right. So we have to make sure that alignment is on our list of priorities, to really assess and make decisions around because I think it's really important. And I think it's something that a lot of you take for granted. I think it's something that a lot of you feel like it's a destination type of thing. And I am one that feels that alignment is part of the journey. Alignment is part of the recognize the recognization alignment as part of a recognizing that things either feel right or they don't. Right. Okay. So if you are feeling stuck, right now, I want you to ask yourself, what story? Are you telling yourself? Are you telling yourself that people are going to think less of you, because you are changing industries? And are you worried that people are going to think that you are starting at Ground Zero, you now have zero experience, because you're making a change? I want you to realize that that's a story, you're telling yourself, okay? And that story is a choice, that story is a choice that you are telling yourself, instead, you can make the choice to say, people may not understand what I'm doing. But they will write like, you can look at it more of a sense that like, I understand that people are not going to agree with the things that I'm doing right now. Or that people will not understand why I'm making such a radical change. But I'm also taking responsibility and saying they will, I will make them No, I will educate them as to why I'm doing this. And they will see that there was like way more reasoning to this than just changing my mind. Like I got bored. There's way more to it than that. Okay. And something else that I think I've realized, in building this team, is that I never know, I was very, for very long time a solopreneur. Right, I did not actually start a partnership in my wedding invitation company for probably like six to seven years into my business. And even then it was the two of us minus our employees and whatever, but I just, I'm that type of person who is good at a lot of things. And I just do them like I I like my toxic trait is like it's fine. I'll just do it. And it'll like that's a toxic trait. I recognize that. But I think it's also important to realize that the space I'm in now, I'm surrounded by people who pushed me who make me uncomfortable who asked me things I don't know the answer to, but I will find them out. So if you are also in a position where you feel maybe stuck or you're feeling resistance, or you're feeling maybe just confused, like maybe you just need help in a direction. Are you surrounding yourself with people who drain you or people who make things easy for you? Or are you surrounding yourself by people who ask questions and push you to grow and do things that you're not comfortable with, okay? It's important to know that who you are right now is not who you have to become. Okay? It's who you are today, who you were yesterday is who you were a year ago, who you are today. Absolutely not. And if you don't recognize that that's a whole nother conversation for a whole nother day. But I think it's important that like, we get so caught up in what we're known for, that we feel like we have to stay where we're at, okay, it's kind of like a bad relationship, one, you know, that you might need to get out of, but it's just, it's who you are right now. And you just feel like you have to stay at any point in time, you are allowed to change your mind. That is your choice. You are the one that is stopping yourself. Okay, we have to recognize that we are in charge of our own evolution. Okay, we are in charge of when we say no, when we let go. And when we move the fuck on that is our right, our responsibility, our decision. Okay. And I feel like as women, we naturally crave that validation, we crave that permission. I know, you know, this. I want you to know, though that it is not meant to be a like duck type of situation or conversation. Like, I'm not trying to, like, give you this like, Duh, I know you want this, like I know, you know this. But I also know that more than likely, you also like me, subconsciously just wish someone would make a hard decision for you, or give you permission to make the decision. That is hard. But that you know, is right. Because we always want what's easier, right? Like, it's easier for somebody to give us permission than it is to give ourselves permission. At least that's how I feel. I don't know if that's how you feel. But I feel looking back that it is way harder to give myself permission to do something than it is for someone else to like, validate that and give me permission to do it. Okay, the truth is, we are blaming others for not supporting us. And why is that because it's easier, it is so much easier to point fingers and blame things on other people. But the reality is that people who might judge your decision, or people who might try to talk you out of a decision that they don't understand that you're making, the reality is that they don't have the same vision, they are not you. And that's okay. It's okay that they don't have the same vision. But you need to recognize that, and you need to take yourself out of that, you know, situation and put yourself in a situation with people who maybe do have a similar vision, or do support that decision, or do have the similar vision that you have. Okay. And in different seasons of life. We all know that, like our priorities change, right? Like, can we normalize as a business though, because I feel like you know, in personal life, we get married, and our priorities change. And then we have kids and our priorities change. Right? Can we normalize that though, because in business is the same thing. There are seasons, there are so many seasons are so many ups and downs. And just like those priorities, dreams can change, alignment can change. Okay. And what I also think is really important to understand is that I've had a couple people recently, actually, you know, talking through their ideas with me, and you know, basically telling me that, you know, what I'm like what I've done for the last 10 years has nothing to do with this, like, change I want to make it has nothing to do with it. I don't have what it takes because I you know, I'm not prepared. I don't have any experience. And here's the thing, everything you're doing right now, no matter what it has to do with what you plan on moving into tomorrow. Everything that you are doing right now is preparing you for what's next. I promise you this, okay? Even if you're change your decision, you're like whatever dream you're chasing right now is the polar opposite of what you're doing now or have been doing previously. I freaking promise you that what you're doing now is teaching you so much about the next season you will absolutely take so many lessons with you in to the future. Okay, you are preparing yourself for the person that you are ready to become. Now what happens when You try on a pair of pants that like you loved on the hanger or you loved when you saw it on Instagram, like, oh, that model? Oh yeah, I have to have those. And then you get them and you put them on and you're just like, Nope. Okay, what do you do? You you look for a different pair, you you look for something different, you decide that wasn't for you. Okay? Stop being afraid to try something else on, pay attention to how often you're trying something new. Because when you're trying something new, is how you are going to differentiate what is meant for you, and what you're going to move on from. Okay, very important to recognize your own position. If you think that they're trying to tell you who you are, if you think that you are making decisions now, based on you know, all of everything that everybody's saying. It's because you are letting them. Okay, I want you to sit with that because I really want you to think about all of the decisions that you're making. Right now. For future you. Okay, are you making decisions? Because other people are trying to change your mind? Or trying to tell you who you are? Or what you're meant to do? Or are you making decisions because you know, in your gut, in an intuitive feeling that this is what you are supposed to be doing? Because those are two totally different decisions. And I will tell you from experience that the decisions you make based on what everybody else thinks is a roller coaster you do not want to be on. Okay, it is a roller coaster, that you get off puking because you actually completely lost sight of the goal of yourself of your own intuition. Like you have lost sight of all of that. Okay, so if anything if you get anything out of today's episode, I want you to leave with this. I am giving you permission today. Tomorrow, yesterday, I don't even care but I am giving you permission to say no to the things that are no longer serving you to let go of them to dream big and to move the fuck on. I'm rooting for you. You've totally got this. All right, babe. I hope you really enjoyed today's conversation. I'm super curious to know what your biggest takeaway was from today. So go ahead and share this episode on social media. Make sure you tag me at this way to fabulous and let me know what you connected with. What did you learn from the episode and what action item are you going to take today? Until next time, guys, keep pushing, keep dreaming. And let's keep on redefining fabulous chatter guys